The Real World...

It has been about 2 weeks since I started working at my new job. So far I have withstood a barrage of comments and jokes about how the good life is coming to an end.. I'm here to say NOT TRUE my compadres! It is alive and well indeed! I got to thinking the other night about what I want out of life, and what I want to be when I "grow up" and not a single job popped into my head. I have spent endless hours and years on a college education to get a degree that I still don't know what I want to do with. That's when it hit me... It doesn't freakin matter!!!!

I thought about it and in the end, a job really is just a job, and as long as it is tolerable, it is not by any means the definition that should be placed next to our names. When someone asks me what I "do" I never know quite how to answer them. If I say "I work for an insurance company" You learn nothing about me. If I say "I go to school" It's a lie, because I didn't show up to it half the time anyway. If I reply "I go drinking" You think I have no redeeming value beyond just going to the bar. So what, then do I reply. Maybe "I laugh a lot. And I find happiness in every part of my life." Yup... that sounds about right.

When I am "grown up" I think I know exactly what I want to be, and none of it has anything to do with my employment. I want to make enough money to be comfortable, but not rich, and to be able to be content living within my means. I want to be Happy, in everything I do. I change my mind regularly about where I want to be and what I want to do, and the things that make me smile today may make me cry tomorrow, but wherever I am, I want to always have a reason to smile. I want to laugh all the time and keep the optimism that I carry with me now. I literally wake up everyday - good or bad - absolutely excited about what the day has in store for me. Sometimes I hit a low point, and sure I get mad and upset sometimes, but overall I never want to feel like I am too far from something to make me smile. I want to have tons and tons of wonderful friends to trust and to love. I want them to trust and love me. I have learned that love comes from many places in my life, and even though sometimes I go looking for it in the wrong places, I can never deny the unconditional love I receive everyday from the people I have chosen to be my friends. I want to always keep in touch with my family - the people who truly hold the key to my past. Although I don't always acknowledge it, my past has lead me to this wonderful future, and for that I am grateful. I want to make a difference in the world - even if it is just one act of kindness at a time to make someone else's day a little brighter. I want to travel the world and see as much of it as I can. Nothing wakes me up inside like watching the sun set over some exotic background. It takes my breath away! I want to always have a sense of adventure and the desire to make even the most mundane tasks into an expedition. I want to be honest with myself, and with others I care about. I never want to lose myself to someone else.

I don't know the specifics of what it is I will be doing, or where I'm going, or living, but I don't care either. I have decided now that my life will not be about where I want to work, but what and who I want to be, and the people I have chosen to be a part of it.

Have I forgotten?

I used to have 2 grandmothers. I only speak of one. Yesterday someone asked me about my other grandmother, and all I could do was tell them small details about her being a nice lady. She was so much more, and I loved her with all my heart. I don't know why I didn't know how to respond, But I felt awful for it. 14 years later, a lifetime of love, and that's the best I could do??? "She was a nice lady"????? My, how time has changed me...