The letter I will never send (how cliche)

To the man who will never see this:
In regards to your random 2am email after not speaking in over a year:
We have said all we have to say. I have no idea what you could possibly want from me. You lied to me. You betrayed me. You are getting married. I'm still me. Situations didn't change... I live in a world so totally different from yours that I don't think we ever could have existed happily anyway. I haven't seen you in so long that I really feel like I might be writing to a ghost - in fact I almost prefer that I was... I have a hard time believing that you were ever actually real... I'm writing these words to get them out of me. Because they need to be heard even if never by you...

You say you were in love with me, but I know the truth. You, like everyone else was in love with the idea of me. I'm an excellent escape from on ordinary and boring life. It's easy to conjure up an illusion of me. It's easy to suck me into your own life when you omit that little detail of you having a FIANCE! You can make me whoever you want - you don't actually have to see me for who I really am. I don't want wine on a beach and cliche evening strolls along the park. I don't want to have your children, or to wear your big diamond on my finger. I'm not that girl, and I will never fit into your mold. I want adventure. If you knew anything about me, you would know this... but you don't and you never will.

You title your email asking if you still affect me... the only thing you affect is my reaction to panic and my flight response. I thought I saw your face and I damn near killed myself trying to dodge past the innocent people walking down the street as I ran the other way... I'm not a fast runner, unless I know what I'm running from. You might be worth the asthma attack...

This letter will never be sent to you. There is no reason. You don't know me anymore. You ask where I am and what I am doing... I don't think you deserve to know. These are the things I would love to say to you if I didn't know for a fact that I would only be instigating further contact. So please, absorb my words in the air, let them fall into your soul, and let me continue walking my path alone. I can't wait to forget about you...