"I wish my life was easy like yours is..."

... That's what he said to me. I'm spoiled. I have had everything handed to me my entire life. He told me that I don't understand what it means to struggle. He called me promiscuous, and faulted me for the mistakes I have made. He told me I'm good for a fling, but not someone you date. And I have to see him all the time.


He comes disguised as my close friend, wearing his mask of lies. With friends like him, who needs enemies. With these accusations and the most insincere apology I have ever received I continue to entertain his company every weekend. He buys me dinners and drinks as a pity offering. He tries to place himself close to me as though he all of a sudden changed his mind. Forgiving him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I continue to be his friend like a sucker with no self respect. He goes out of his way for me and I return the favor, sitting in the ER with him when he sprains his ankle, driving him home after, buying his favorite beer at the store and inviting him to dinner. He offers me shelter during tsunami warnings and calls to check on my safety. He pays my bar tabs and gives me rides to the airport. He shows up at my house and drags me out of bed on weekends to go to the beach and head out on adventures. How long can we continue this charade of normalcy when our friendship has taken such a serious blow. I keep him close and at an arms length away - always expecting that at some point the bottom is going to drop out. His innocent comments are sometimes interpreted poorly and I can't help but take a stab back.

How long can this arrangement last when after a year of my friendship he clearly knows nothing about me... This place just gets a little lonelier everyday.