Tired ramblings of an active mind

I feel a pain encompassing my chest. It keeps me up late and refuses to release my mind from the fury of its aftermath. I yearn for his attention. I am eager for his closeness. Yet he keeps me an arms length away. I don't know how else to describe this other than just a lack of happiness. I stand waiting for some grand gesture. I'm tired of trying. My heart hurts from his indifference. I feel my questions provoking his irritation. Yet I can't stop myself and I can't walk away. I have never been this person. I am always the one who keeps people an arms length away. I was always the one who shied away from affection and commitment. I never wanted that feeling. Something about him made me want it more than ever. I feel like a love sick junkie. Begging for a dose of the good stuff. I have never been this person... I want an all encompassing love. I want to be swept into the arms of someone who loves me and respects me, and finds me interesting and wonderful. I don't want to doubt myself and question my worth. I used to have value. I want to be looked at like I am the only girl in the world. I feel a bridge forming between us. My relationship has become a power struggle and then filled with indifference. I want a way out of this hole that I am falling into before its too late. And If he isn't the one who will pull me out of it, I suppose I can only ask that he does the polite thing and step away - turning the other direction so he doesn't get the chance to watch me brave it on my own. I've been on this road alone for so long. At least alone I know who I have to count on. I know not to expect much from anyone. Walking away should be the easy option. ... Yet here I stand.