The body talk Healer

So I decided to go see an eastern medicine, body-talk healer the other day. It seems that everything that can go wrong with my health has gone wrong up to this point, including a UTI, complete with fever and chills that I got to experience last weekend. So I finally decided to go see this woman at my friend's suggestion, and holy shit, was this profound. I'm not making this reader friendly as much as I m making it a memory dump so that I don't forget the experience. I laid down on the table, and Chisako put her hands over my abdomen. She said she could feel a lot going on in my body. She said I was hard to read because usually she follows her chart, but that my body wanted to guide her itself. She said I have a Big Soul, and that I operate at a higher vibration or frequency than "regular people". she told me I have a great deal of power in me - more than I realize, but that I already knew that, didn't I. She touched on something that she told me I forgot from 2013 but that I carry with me. she said it was a fight with a female. But that I am carrying it around with me even though my concious memory forgot about it. Then she turned her attention to my abdomen and said that I carry a lot of grief from a friend who passed in 2019 (Sal). She told me that I knew him from another life, and that our souls made a contract to meet in this life. She said that his purpose was fulfilled which is why he passed whe he did. She said that his sould chose how he would die before he entered this world. She said that nothing anyone could have done or said would have changed that so that I shouldnt carry guilt from it with me. Also, I felt him with me the night before my emergency surgery, and I knew he was with me. She told me that he wasn't there to take me, but to make sure i stayed with my body, because I hadn't yet completed my life's purpose. If I died before I completed my purpose I would be doomed to repeat this life and these lessons again. She then said that I also chose my family before I came into this world. Because I have a generous soul, and that is why I sometimes feel like I take care of them. I decided that in this world I would be about giving. She told me to not forget that I can receive love and I need to draw from others so my give and take balance doesn't leave me in a defecit. She told me that I have a lot of power in me and that I have te power to manifest any life that I want, but that this life that I am living was also manifested. When I was young and had just escaped from my parents house to be on my own for the first time, I remember i was drunk with freedom. I told the universe that I wanted to experience EVERYTHING. I wanted a life of adventure and experiences and to have this one of a kind life. And since then she said my life has been a rollercoaster like an amusement park ride that I ride up and down. She said that I have these crazy things happen to me because i didn't specify when I asked for experiences to say 'happy experiences' so I got everything. She said that the reason I am in the position i am in now is because of that manifestation. But that my mind has decided that it wants an easier expeience and an easier road in life. So It's up to me to physically choose this as well. she said that I have a tendency to box up my feelings and leave them behind and this period of my life is becase of that. Because my body can't carry the weight of all the boxes I have been carrying, and because my soul and my body needed to rest. She said I keep trying to run past this experience without dealing with it and the universe decided i needed to sit and heal and leave my boxes behind by opening and facing them. She told me that I can manifest any life I want. And that I can manifest peace and an easier life. I told her I think I'm Experience'd out and I'm ready for an easier path. Ahe told me to think of it and Manifest it and I would eceive it. She also told me that I have a gift in me of psychic energy and I am selling myself short by not developing it and opening my heart to it. She told me to think with my heart instead of my head, and to sit by myself in these next 5 days, and in 5 days I would leave my baggage behind.

Ramblings of a Medical Malpractice Victim

I dont know how to feel in this post surgery-disaster world in which I am now existing. It feels like time stands still here, but my pre-disaster life feels so far away. This kind of stuff doesn't happen to people like me. I'm young enough, healthy, active, and athletic. I have big plans and trips and gatherings that I need to be at... I need to be there for my father through his chemo, so you can't take me out of the game now... There must be some mistake... THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME. There's got to be a way to opt out of this experience. I'm full of scars... There have been drains all over my torso. At one point I had 4 drains, a catheter, and a stint. HOW THE FUCK DID I END UP HERE?!?!? My pre surgery body wasn't perfect, but it was mine, and I loved it. I was tan and strong from days spent at swim practice and out on the water paddling my board. I had muscle tone, and I trusted in my ability to go on long hikes, and take care of myself... My face wasn't sunken in or bloated with fluid. My skin was soft instead of loose and dry. Like, how the fuck is my skin texture different?!? How does that even happen?! I also had an ass, and boobs that stood up on their own. All I have left is a concave butt, and saggy boobs... Everyone keeps saying I'll get my body back, but I honestlly don't know that I will. I have a stint in my right shoulder that hurts everytime I burp, or Cough, or breath too deep... There's a tube hanging out of my back that drains my pee into a clear bag that gets safety pinned to my pants. Today I tried a new bladder spasm medicine (Because that's still going on 3 weeks post catheter...) And the meds turned my pee a dark neon orange that looks radioactive... This drains into a clear bag that everyone can see.. I was so embarrassed to see it while I was walking the puppy. Everyone keeps saying how strong I am... But what choice do I have? It's either bear the burdon of all these medical procedures, or die. What kind of options are those?! I'm just living through it. Existing. Floating through the whole experience like it's a dream. I'm frozen in a continuous loop, where every day is the same, and all that changes is the intensity of my pain and the person babysitting me. I can't advance further physically because of the drain. I don't feel comfortable in public beause of it. I am constantly worried that it will snag, or get dirty and infected, or something else that is just going to lead to more freakin procedures and another stay in the hospital. I can't take more of that. 18 days of absolute hell...